Happy Endings: Studies Show Peaceful Acceptance

While many of us fear death, researchers have found that as some of those who are terminally ill or on death row approach the end, they are increasingly filled with acceptance and words of gratitude, connection, and positivity.

The 2017 study involved a computer-aided search for positive and negative words in the blogs of the dying and those facing execution. The study found that those in that group tended to be more positive than their counterparts who feared death in the abstract but who were healthy. The study used blogs of terminally ill patients as well as inmates facing execution.

Love and Forgiveness Common Themes

“People who are imagining dying were much more negative in their language, in their emotion, in their sentiments, than people who were actually dying,” explained social psychologist and award-winning researcher, Professor Dr. Kurt Gray, the lead author of the study.

Gray says that there were common themes of love and connection in those positive posts.

“If you look at some of the posts near the end, people get very positive, expansive, and last words of folks are filled with love and forgiveness, and these really positive themes,” he shared.

On the other hand, people who are worried about death, who were not in the actual active dying process, were less likely to use these positive words and themes. “They talk about fear, and regret, and suffering,” Gray said.

Social Connection at End of Life

“Social connection was surprisingly powerful even among death row inmates,” he explained. At the end of life, he said he found that those studied sent loving messages about their families and social groups.

Many of the messages were similar to this one, “I have no regrets at all – I have had a full life, touched and been touched by such wonderful family and friends. So if there is to be a final lesson for me it is that love is the ultimate gift – love and honesty.”

The study looked at blogs of those who had myotrophic lateral sclerosis (also known as Lou Gerig’s Disease or ALS) or terminal cancer, plus a group of inmates on Death Row in Texas. The blogs studied had to have at least 10 posts over three months. Researchers searched through 2,600 blog posts from 25 terminally ill patients and asked another 50 healthy patients to imagine facing terminal cancer.

Changing Attitudes Toward Death

Gray explained, "I think that when people imagine that dying is like, they see it as being very different from the life they know, but really, death is part of life. And maybe you don't need to fear it as much as you might."

Gray says he has seen a change in the conversations around death in the nearly ten years since the study was conducted. “I think there is much more a sense of something where you can have a sense of agency in death.” And he says now, with politics a topic many want to avoid, talking about death doesn’t seem as scary. “I think we’ve reached an era where actually death is way better to talk about than politics.”

Learn more about Kurt Gray and his research at his website.