Coping with Grief When the Holidays Hurt

The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. Everywhere you turn, lights sparkle, carols play, and the world seems wrapped in joy.

But for those who are grieving, this season can feel painfully out of sync. The empty chair at the dinner table. The unopened stocking. The traditions that remind you of who’s missing can make December feel unbearably long.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Grief at the holidays is something many carry quietly. Yet there are ways to honor both the love and the loss.

Two powerful seasonal rituals, Worldwide Candle Lighting and Blue Christmas, can make room for remembrance while offering comfort. 

Worldwide Candle Lighting: A Global Wave of Light

The Compassionate Friends is a nonprofit organization that supports families after the death of a child. Each year, on the second Sunday of December, the group hosts the Worldwide Candle Lighting, one of the largest collective memorial events in the world.

Founded in the United Kingdom in the 1960s and now active in dozens of countries, The Compassionate Friends provides comfort, connection, and resources for parents, siblings, grandparents, and others navigating profound loss.

At exactly 7 p.m. local time, candles are lit in every time zone, creating a continuous wave of light that circles the globe in memory of children who have died, at any age, from any cause. The event unites grieving families across borders and faiths in a shared moment of remembrance and hope.

The Dandelion Project: Turning Loss into Light

Lisa Bolton, Founder and Director of The Dandelion Project, knows that pain personally. Having lost three of her own children, she used her experience to build a thriving nonprofit that offers support, counseling, and resources for families who have suffered similar losses.

“I’m familiar with The Compassionate Friends event, and The Dandelion Project usually holds a Walk of Remembrance that same day,” says Bolton. “We’ve also participated in an Evening of Reflection at Highland Memorial Park.

I also host an Angel Memorial Tree at Morrison United Methodist Church in Leesburg, where families can place ornaments in memory of loved ones throughout the season. For those who can’t attend, I hang ornaments for them. Anytime we create space for remembrance, it reminds families that their loved ones are never forgotten.”

Through projects like the memorial tree, remembrance walks, and personalized outreach, Lisa and her team help families find connection, comfort, and a way to honor the love that endures beyond loss.

To hear more from Lisa Bolton, watch Altogether’s video series “Conversations About Death,” where she shares her personal and professional insights. Full episodes are on YouTube, with short clips on TikTok, Instagram, and other social media platforms under @AltogetherFuneral. 

Blue Christmas: Finding Peace in the Longest Night

Each December, some churches and communities host a Blue Christmas or Longest Night service, often near the winter solstice — the longest night of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. The name reflects both the darkness of the season and the “blue” mood that can accompany grief and loss.

Although it began as a Christian tradition, Blue Christmas has become a gentle, inclusive observance open to anyone who finds the holidays difficult. You don’t have to belong to a church or celebrate Christmas to take part. The focus is not on doctrine or religion, but on creating space for sorrow, remembrance, and healing during a season that can otherwise feel overwhelming.

These gatherings are gentle, reflective, and intentionally unhurried. There is soft candlelight, moments of silence, readings, prayers, and simply space to meditate or reflect. Blue Christmas events offer comfort for those who feel out of step with the season’s forced cheer.

Creating Space for Grief in the Holidays

There is no “right” way to grieve, especially during the holidays. What matters most is giving yourself permission to feel what you feel. Here are bereavement suggestions for you or someone you care about. 

If You’re Grieving:

• Simplify the season. Let go of traditions that feel too heavy this year.
• Create small rituals. Light a candle each evening, hang a special ornament, or write your loved one’s name in a holiday card.
• Set boundaries. It’s okay to decline invitations or leave gatherings early.

If You’re Supporting Someone Who’s Grieving

• Speak their loved one’s name. Remembering aloud brings comfort, not pain.
• Offer presence, not platitudes. A quiet companion means more than carefully chosen words.
• Include remembrance. Leave an empty chair, play their favorite song, or raise a glass in their honor.

A Season of Light and Love

The holidays can magnify absence, but they can also hold space for remembrance, tenderness, and connection. Blue Christmas and Worldwide Candle Lighting events aren’t about fixing grief but creating space for healing. Even in the coldest, longest nights, dawn will come.